Sunday, October 30, 2005

Blasphemous!

• Artificial, "Carvable" foam pumpkins as an alternative to the real thing. WTF? This has got to be the biggest piece-of-shit product around. And for anyone who says "But it's less messy, no pumpkin innards, plus it's easier to cut and you can re-use it." In the words of Napoleon Dynamite, so's a corroded piece of crap! I'd say the point of Halloween is obviously lost on you. Get back in your SUV and grab a beeper from Olive Garden. They'll let you know when your table is ready.

• Articles like the one found in The Dallas Morning News, entitled: "Make Halloween Treats a Little Less Frightening." I'm sure an opening sentence like "At a time when childhood obesity has reached epidemic proportions... is just the angle you were going for, but gimme a fuckin' break. First off, obesity in anyone is all about moderation. Halloween comes once a year, so give the scare tactics a rest and let kids be kids for a change. Not everything in life has to be monitored and doled out like some kind of clone factory. The same goes for Christmastime. If I read one more generic article about how to keep trim during the holidays, I think I'll puke.

• White pumpkins are Martha Stewart-wannabe-styled foo foo bullshit. Believe it or not, not everything in this world needs a "facelift." Jack o' lanterns are orange, not white. Enough already with the Women's Day approach to Halloween!

• Shame on the news media for adding to the anti-Halloween propaganda under the guise of hard-hitting news. It kicks in earlier and earlier each year and really begins to take flight about 2-3 weeks before Halloween. Whether it's the dire announcement of "Trick or Treating: There's a lot more to be frightened of than ghosts and goblins. Stay tuned for our exclusive story," or random pot heads putting 'shrooms into candy bars and selling them to other potheads (the only correlation being that candy and Halloween are synonymous...other than that absolutely ZERO connection), to Halloween thieves stealing lawn decorations (That's news? I call that Friday night.), it's ludicrous. I'm so sick of the vilifying of Halloween.

• "Fall Festivals." Gimme a fuckin' break already. Yeah, we get it, Biblethumpers. Halloween is the Devil's holiday as far as you're concerned. How could we forget, what with the church marquees that say things like "Celebrate the light, not the darkness," around this time of year. Not to mention these so-called "Fall Festivals" that you pass off as "safe havens" or "alternatives" to trick-or-treating. Whatever. We both know that these are nothing more than HALLOWEEN parties with a different name. C'mon! I remember our church sectioning off a room at church and turning it into a "spook house," complete with the traditional bowls of "witches hair (oily spaghetti)," "eyeballs (peeled grapes)," et al. We also wore costumes, bit apples on strings and ate candy. And what? The biggest shock of all...we didn't die or turn into serial killers. Ppphhllt. Organized religion sucks today. Nothing more than a bunch of preservatives trying to manipulate children into thinking that having fun and being normal is a bad thing. Shame on them.

4 Comments:

Blogger sugarfoot said...

The worst are the ultimate Biblethumping so-called Haunted Houses, where they use graphic scare tactics involving abortions, pre-marital sex or whatever else they deem so terrible about society, and pass it off as a Halloween event.

Monday, October 31, 2005 2:13:00 PM  
Blogger Ms. Q said...

I am with you on all of those!!

People need to a) lighten up, and/or b) dislogde the sticks from their asses. Life is such a bore these days. Get a grip, people!

There is no light without darkness anyway, so pffffttt! I remember the haunted houses at church with the oily spaghetti and grapes! What fun! Too bad I didn't turn into a satan worshipper or they'd have a good reason to boycott it now.

Monday, October 31, 2005 2:53:00 PM  
Blogger T. Willie said...

There's a local church that puts on a Fall Festival every year to compete with the evil that is Halloween. They strobe the sky with giant searchlights (looking for low flying witches??). They blast Christian pop/rock/can you even call it music? They suck.

As we took a group of kids trick-or-treating this year, one kid pointed at the searchlights and proclaimed, "I go to that church. Last year my mom made me go to the stupid Festival and I didn't get to go trick-or-treating. I hate my church."
W00t! Way to turn kids on to the dark side;-) Bwaaahaaaaahaaaa!!

Wednesday, November 02, 2005 10:26:00 PM  
Blogger Kirkkitsch said...

Sugarfoot-
Oh good lord, I forgot all about those! Do they still do that shit? I haven't heard of one in ages, but I know exactly what you're talking about. One of the churches down the street decided to fill their front lawn (that just happens to face the street), with loads of tiny crosses. Some kind of anti-abortion "statement." So original. Like I haven't seen that a million times before. I swear, Christians have zero originality. They come up with ONE thing and stick with it forever. re: It's Adam & Eve not Adam and Steve! ~yawn*

Thanks for commenting! :D

Ms. Q-
Aw, you made my day. I love that someone else can relate to my experiences. To be honest, if my parents hadn't forced me to attend church and all it's functions, growing up, I might possibly be more open to spirituality today. Oh well. I can't completely blame them for
my complete lack of interest in organized religion. The people I went to church with and the politics of it all, played a huuuge role in that too. Not to mention the fact that all these uptight, intolerant, ignorant people who consider themselves good Christians have only helped to ingrain my distaste for them and their dogma.

Thanks for taking the time to comment! I appreciate it! :)

YourFriendlyCyborg-
Search lights! LOL! I know exactly what you mean! Sounds like what the Blockbusters did around here when they have "grand openings" (i.e. they crushed another mom & pop store). Geez, and Christian "rock music" too? Whatta powerful combo. Kinda like prune smoothies with a castor oil chaser.

LMAO! OMG, that's the greatest (re: "I hate my church.") ROTFL! I'm tellin' ya, kids are not stupid. Sounds like their parents are creating a recipe for another me! If parents only knew that instilling (i.e. forcing) their beliefs on their kids only breeds contempt. Oh well, some people have to find out the hard way. Besides, I'd much rather have a kid who can think for himself and form his own opinions, without coaching from me, than some soulless robot.

Thanks for the great comment! It made my day too! :D

Thursday, November 03, 2005 7:34:00 AM  

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