Thursday, January 27, 2005

I'm a Wino!

I'm counting the days until I get lynched by some "Christians." I'll explain. Back in October while making my way into the grocery store, I was stopped by some guy with a clipboard and asked to sign a petition to allow Arlington to sell wine. Naturally I signed the petition. I mean, why should some other podunk city be pocketing the tax revenue? I also vividly remember some hillbilly that was asked to sign the petition as I was leaving the store. Apparently when she was asked to sign the petition, said she wasn't "from here," but from Tennessee. Then went on to announce in a brayish tone "But I'm a votin' fer George Bush! Woo Hoo! Yeehaw!" etc. Delightful. But I digress.

So, 3 months roll by and my doorbell rings yesterday afternoon. Somewhat gun shy, due to my frequent visits from Jehovah Witnesses, I cautiously looked out the peep hole and saw a smartly-dressed elderly woman admiring the wind chime on my porch while she waited. I opted to open the door and live life on the edge. She introduced herself and explained whom she represented, then asked if I'd be interested in placing a sign in my yard to promote the upcoming election on February 5th (I'm voting early today), to pass a proposition to sell wine in Arlington. I said "Sure." I'd rather have money generated by wine sales go back to the city than the construction of that shitball elitist Cowboys football monstrosity stadium the city just gave the thumbs up to. Besides, it's not like I didn't see my fair share of Bush/Cheney burning crosses signs in people's yards back in November.

Well, you'd think I just told her she'd won the lottery. She was so happy. As I walked with her back to her car to retrieve the signs she told me how I was the second person who'd actually answered the door all day (it was 4 o'clock now). She asked if I knew anyone else that would be interested in placing some in their yards, but I told her I did not. I also tried to save her some time by telling her not to try the two houses on either side of me. They're all uptight and there was no way they were gonna say 'yes.' She said she'd already been to my neighbor's house next door ("Angela" who live to the south side of me) and that she'd said "I'd rather not." That alone was incentive enough for me. I can't stand the woman. I took 3 signs.

Now I'm just waiting for someone to either steal or defile them. Remember, I've seen what lives here, so I know how it works. Little do they know I have access to 500 more. Yippee!


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