Napoleon Dynamite

Last Wednesday didn't start out too great, what with me shuffling around the house in my bathrobe, eating cold macaroni 'n cheese out of a bowl and alternating between the fetal position and the seated rocking back and forth, while holding my knees-position. Later on in the day (3:50PM, to be precise), Nathan called and wanted to drop by and introduce me to his new gal pal, Sharla. I said "Come on over," nonchalantly, then proceeded to turn into the Tasmanian Cleaning Devil before they got there. Twenty minutes and 35,648 heart palpitations later, they arrived.

Looking like I'd been rode hard and put away wet (literally... I'd just washed my hair), I finally got to meet the illustrious Sharla. She was very cute and lots of fun. PLUS, she has great taste: She loved my house. Lol! I need validation, dammit! Anyway, I proceeded to pawn off all the little things that I had found for Nathan while doing my annual book sales tour (an LP here, a book there, a VHS...) and then we retired to looking at some of my old scrapbooks and doing some coke. okay, okay, not really, but we did look at my scrapbooks. That's when Nathan suggested we go see Napoleon Dynamite. If you're a regular reader of my blog, that is one of the handful of movies I have been wanting to see, so I naturally said 'yes' and we proceeded to look for the next show time.

For those who may not be familiar with the premise of Napoleon Dynamite, here's a brief synopsis, courtesy if IMDB: "Preston, Idaho's most curious resident, Napoleon Dynamite, lives with his grandma and his 31-year-old brother (who cruises chat rooms for ladies) and works to help his new best friend, Pedro, snatch the Student Body President title from mean teen Summer Wheatley"

The movie was only playing at one theater here in Arlington: AMC Theatre @ The Parks at Arlington. This initially sent shivers down my spine, since this particular theater is located within the town's largest, most garish mall. As a rule, I don't go to the mall. I think the last time I was actually inside this particular mall was maybe 6 or 7 years ago, when I had to get my glasses fixed at the shitbox I box I bought them from, Eyemasters. The whole mall atmosphere just makes my scrotum retreat back inside my body cavity. Everyone has a cell phone permanently attached to their head and the whole Teen Town mentality sends me running for the nearest exit. And trust me, before you say "Eh, you're just getting old." Um, no. I didn't even like the mall when I was a teen, so that's not a valid argument. At the risk of being labeled a radical, I think it's just the whole sheep herding mentality of it all. But, I'll admit I DO like the food court and some of the stores like Bath & Body Works. Not necessarily the blow dryed, Revlon-licious, Botoxed people who work there, but the store's actual contents.

With that said, I was astounded at all the architectural work that had been done to the mall, during my sabbatical: Ice rink (hockey practice was going on while we were there), the 18 screen movie theater, the store additions, the multi-leveled parking garage, the carousel. The carousel! OMG, that was the real surprise. I'll admit, it was beautiful as were all the new changes, but wow, talk about kitschy. One of the cool things about the theater was that you could bypass waiting in line (there had to be around 25-30 people in it!) and instead, use your credit/debit card at these Online Ticketing stations (see the third picture in the collage) and bippity boppity boo, your ticket prints out right there and shoots out the slot. How friggin' cool is THAT?! Man, I can't begin to tell you what a cave dweller I felt like. I mean, I go to the movies and shopping and stuff, but NEVER to the mall or places that are frequented by the general populous. I'm not trying to come off as some ultra hip "livin' on the edge of society" beatnik, but honestly, I don't frequent those kinds of businesses. It was a real eye opener.

Riding the escalator (yes, escalator!) to the movie theater just above the box office, I noticed how beautiful everything really was. This from a person who normally detests the mall. Don't get me wrong, I haven't magically been converted to mallism, but even I know beauty when I see it. I was happy to see that one thing hadn't changed: The concession stand. There were 15 registers, 2 of which were actually operational (naturally). I opted to go find a seat in our feature's theater (6), while Nathan and Sharla waited in line, since they'd already seen Napoleon Dynamite 2X already.

Words can't describe how great the movie is. All I had to do was see the opening credits and I KNEW I was gonna love it: they were all written on food. Picture a burrito platter with the name of the director written across it in hot sauce. Or a name written in mustard across a corny dog. Brilliant! If you are a fan of such "blockbuster" films as The Fast and The Furious or I, Robot, then this movie is definitely not for you. However, if you have an eye for detail and/or appreciate movies like Bartleby or Ghost World, then you will appreciate the overall quirky goodness of Napoleon Dynamite. The cast, sets, dialogue, soundtrack, even the wardrobe are amazing. I am SO looking forward to Jared (shown... so hot!) and Jerusha Hess' next project.

In the film, Napoleon's grandmother has a pet llama named Tina, whom she pampers with specially made casseroles and other exotic dishes, which Tina could, quite frankly, care less about. One of my favorite lines in the movie is: "Tina! Come eat some ham!" Fuckin' hilarious! You'd have to see the movie to get the entire context. Every line Napoleon says is fraught with such frustrated annoyance, you can't help but laugh out loud.

In addition, newcomer Aaron Ruell (*the third person from the left, sitting on the couch, in the collage of images) who plays Napoleon's chat room addicted older brother, is excellent. Favorite line of Kip's: "Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes ALL day. Besides, we both know I'm training to become a cage fighter." ROTFLMAO!

I also loved the scene where Napoleon smuggled some "tots" into class, via his pants' parachute-style zipper pocket. The school bully across from him, sees him partaking of the tots and demands of Napoleon "C'mon! Gimme some of your tots!" Napoleon says 'no' and the bully kicks him right in the tots. LMAO!

For anyone interested in hearing sound clips, watching TONS of clips from the movie, or just downloading desktops, icons, etc., be sure and visit the official Napoleon Dynamite web site. If you need a plug-in, by all means go get it. It's totally worth the time. Napoleon Dynamite was just what I needed to get me outta my blue funk.



*Napoleon Dynamite will be released to DVD in both the U.S. and Canada on December 21st