Get a Rope

So, for my birthday this year, I decided to buy myself a CD player for the car. I'm not an audiophile nerd, so I just need something that will allow me to listen to CDs in the car. Brand really isn't a factor for me, (as long as it's not Emerson, Sony is a close second, but I digress...) so that wipes out those big names with prices to match that the "sales associates" love to push.

So, having been burned by Circuit City in the past, bad word-of-mouth of Fry's Electronics (not to mention the dumbass quotient is at an all-time high), that left me with Best Buy. They're not my first choice, but I do have a charge card for them, so that's a plus.

I go to check out the newest Best Buy close to where I live (as opposed to the one in South Arlington, AKA Traffic Land). After picking out a DVD I'd been looking for, I begin looking for the car stereo section of the store. I walk around aimlessly for a while before I spot a boggle of bruhs. You know, the big shorts, tank tops, baseball caps, sweet faux-retro T's and facial hair. SWEET! I must be getting close. Sure enough, I spot the "sweet" listening 'pod' that Best Buy has set up (complete with 'futuristic' Millennium Falcon-style chair), obviously made to appeal to the "dudes." I approach and before I can put both feet into the pod, some Best Buy 'bot goes in for the kill, proclaiming "Hey, dude!" I look at him and just blink, laughing on the inside because the straight male stereotypes are just as retarded as the gay male stereotypes. Even more so when they prove to be true. I'm temporarily transported back to the late 80's/early 90's, when Keanu Reeves was making bank with movies like Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure and Point Break (the last time I heard 'dude' and didn't die a little inside). Cornered, I almost panicked and blurted out "Pussy! I love pussy!" or "Hey, bruh. Workin' hard or hardly workin'? heh heh" (preceded, of course, by the straight guy nod of acknowledgement).

The guy introduces himself (I forgot his SKU #, er I mean name) and asks me mine. I tell him my name is "Barry. Barry Gibb" (he's 12, so he won't know who-the-fuck Barry Gibb is), we shake hands: let the subterfuge bonding begin. He's quick to inform me that he doesn't work on commission, so there's no pressure for me to buy, just to help me have the "best experience possible." My mind whispers "too late" as I raise a skeptical eyebrow and say "So, are you gonna suck it now or later?" He just looks at me, confused. Okaaaay, I really didn't say that, but I was thinking what his expression would have been if I had.

I pick out a system that's the cheapest one there, with the features I want, yet is still more than I want to spend ($100 or less, preferably). He asks me the make/model of my car and then tells me that the stereo I chose is compatible with my vehicle, BUT I will need a $40 adapter kit and something else I forget, but it costs $30. I take the card with the info on the stereo and tell him I'll be back later. BTW, installation is "free" for stereos over $100.

I decide to look online for the stereo, now having the dimensions, features, etc. all neatly printed on the card I took from the display. I check the Best Buy website and find exactly what I want, ON SALE, for $80. That's $60 LESS than the cheapest compatible system at the store. The web site offers a 'feature' that allows you to type in your vehicle information in order to determine if the system you've chosen is compatible with your vehicle. I attempted to use this "helpful" feature several times, but I could never get it to work. I said "eh, fuck it" and ordered the stereo anyway, opting to pick it up at one of the locations here. I figured what's the worst that could happen? If it doesn't fit, I just won't buy it when it arrives. Besides, since both items had practically identical dimensions (give or take 7/8 of an inch), I thought it'd be fine.


Later, I had a friend try the compatibility feature on the site and after a few tries, she got it to work. Naturally, it said that the system I chose was NOT compatible. Feh. I'll believe it when I hear it from the "installation technician." I figure he'll be pretty motivated once he sees me saying "Oh well. See ya" and leave empty-handed. A no-no in Corporate America.

The system arrives and I go to pick it up since the retard answering the phone left me on hold for an hour. I did get an e-mail telling me it was ready for pick up, but I wanted to double check before I wasted a trip (you know how 'technology' works these days). Oh well, I want to pick up the new Dick Tracy animated series DVD anyway. Before I pay for the stereo, I have the cashier call the installation dept. first and make sure they can install it. She calls and they say they can (gee), so I pay and head on back.

The guy at the installation center looks at the car stereo box like I just wiped my ass with it (it's not a "big name", hyper-expensive stereo) and tells me that they charge for installation for any stereo under $100. I tell him I realize that and ask how much they charge. He goes through the $40 adapter kit routine, plus the $30 for something else I forget and finally $50 for actual installation. He THEN has the NERVE to tell me "If you go back and get a ~better~ stereo, it'd save you a lot of money." It's my turn to look at him like someone just wiped their ass on his sleeve. I look at him like "Riiiiight" and say "Oh well, that's okay, thanks." He assumes I mean I'm okay with the fees...until I reach across the counter to get the stereo box he's holding in his hot lil' hands. He's like "Wha? Oh." It's finally dawning on him that I'm not getting it installed there. I leave, thinking "Fuuuuuuck off."

Instead, I go to my local mechanic down the street and I ask him if he can install a car stereo. He says "Sure" and asks to see the stereo. I show it to him and tell him about how Best Buy tried to sell me an adaptor kit et al. He then tells me that that comes standard WITH most stereos. He opens the box to check and sure enough, there it is. "Cocksuckers!" screams inside my brain, but I don't say a word. I ask how much he charges and he says...$40. FORTY DOLLARS. I just saved $140 by NOT buying the stereo in the actual Best Buy store AND not having them install it.

So, I now have a new stereo in my car and it looks (it lights up neon blue...pretty!) and sounds great. Yay me.