Monday, July 04, 2005

Tooth or Consequences

I get bags of mail. I get e-mails. All from my legions of fans who want to know "Hey, what's up? How's your quality of life?" Okay, okay I'm lying. I don't really get letters and/or e-mails. Well, I DO get mail, but it's usually marked 'occupant' or 'final notice,' but that's neither here nor there. It's really just my way of justifying this otherwise mundane post. I apologize in advance.

First off, I recently participated in a random survey conducted over the phone (I told you I have no life). After answering a bunch of questions about my television, music, Internet, dining habits, I was told that they would be sending me compensation for my time as well as a packet to fill out and return. They thanked me and 3 days later I received my packet. It contained a S.A.T.-sized booklet, 1 week TV diary and a letter with $7 glued to it. How cool is that?

Secondly, I ordered something from television. The OneSweep. According to the infomercial as well as the web site, the OneSweep "is tough enough to clean ceramic tile, even concrete, without wearing down. And, OneSweep’s bristles are also soft enough for wood floors." What I was most impressed with though (and what spurred me to purchase it) was the fact that it was touted as being able to get deep down, where a normal vacuum cleaner can't, and gather all the old dust and hair left behind.

Being the cleaning product whore that I am, I ordered it, it arrived, I quickly assembled it and got to work on one of the 3 large rugs in my home. The one in the living room looks dirty and dingy in front of the area where the couch is. In other words, it's a "high traffic area." The rug has a large geometric pattern of squares within squares, so I did one length of the carpet from top to bottom. And you know what? It really worked! I was so excited (I know, I'm a dork). I've been putting off renting a rug shampooer because they are so cumbersome and expensive. Little did I know that the "dirty" look was because of all the embedded hair/dust! The rug even felt different under my feet.

Being excited about the job it did on the rug, I went to sweep the bathroom, where I have ceramic tile. It also worked really well on the tile, collecting more dust and hair. It's insane! Apparently it conducts static electricity and that in turn helps in collecting the hair, dust particles, etc.

Anyway, I just thought it was cool. If you click on the bar of images of the OneSweep in action, it will show you a close-up of the pile of hair and dust that it collected.

And last (and least), much to my mother's delight, I finally made a dentist appointment and went to get my teeth cleaned. I had no idea that (according to the dental hygienist) my last visit was in 2003!! OMG. I am usually really good about going ever 6 months for a cleaning. And, knock on wood, I normally get a clean bill of dental health, with the exception of the occasional filling. No such luck this time.

According to the dental hygienist, I have the early stages of gum disease and will have to have my gums scraped. Not cleaned, not a a new dental regime, but scraped. Jesus Christ. Shoot me now. Apparently food/bacteria get trapped beneath the gumline, which in turn, inflame the gums and need to be cleaned. The only way to do this apparently is to clean up, beneath the gumline. They do this by rubbing some magic gel (which I already don't trust) on your gums to numb them, then go in with some dental instrument (I don't even wanna think about what it looks like) and scrape the gums. This takes 2 hours. Not 45 minutes. Not one hour. Not an hour and a half, but TWO hours! You don't know how much I am dreading this. For the love of God, BRUSH YOUR TEETH! Go tell it on the mountain. Hallelujah! Amen.

Anyway, that's about it for now. I added a final triptik, which consists of a few photos I took while at the dentist. It's the Cavity Creeps! They make holes in teeth! Ever noticed how the swivel light that hangs over the chair looks an awful lot like those alien spacecrafts in the original War of the Worlds? I keep waiting for it to zap me. And speaking of getting zapped, the last picture is of the front counter, where you pay on the way out. As I was leaving the room where my checkup was conducted, the dental hygienist caught me and said "Here's your goodie bag!" My "goodie bag." For $135 I want to make out with the dentist's son for 15 minutes, no holds barred, and fondle his goodie bag. Okay, not really, but he is a hottie {the son}, though the dad's not bad, for someone who plays golf and whose idea of "getting wild" is probably not turning the lights off while having sex. Geez Louise, no wonder more and more people aren't going to the dentist. And by the way, yes, those are suckers (lollipops, whatever you wanna call them...lollipops always sounded so queer to me)...sugar-free, of course. And the little weirdo ceramic bird contains vitamin C tablets. Dentists.

5 Comments:

Blogger M said...

In the past whenever I went to the dentists there was always something wrong, no matter how disciplined I was about brushing my teeth, or how long I took at it. It turns out that I wasn't using the right motion and instead of brushing from the top of the gums down and then from side to side (my technique) I should have been using circular motions, making sure to get the gums as well. Last time I went to the dentist (about a month ago) was the first time that everything was OK and didn't need any fixing and all that was necessary was to do a little cleaning. So I recommend that method. Poor Kirk, such rotten luck. Hang in there!

Monday, July 04, 2005 4:50:00 AM  
Blogger Princess Wild Cow said...

Oh, I am so sorry...ever since you turned me on to that free flosser, I am a compulsive flosser...I just went to the dentist and she said my flossing was excellent. She also said I brushed my teeth too hard and was wearing away the gums...up and down sides of OCD.
Take care...

Monday, July 04, 2005 10:36:00 AM  
Blogger RagDoll said...

I am so jealous! You got the one sweep! My shed is a masoleum of abandoned cleaning products.I am forever on the lookout for new implements of cleaning. There is a steam thing for linoleum and tile, several vaccums , a swiffer, a shop-vac and a scum buster. I covet the Dyson vacuum.

Oh man, I remember the crest team! I loved them. Ahhh the memories.

Monday, July 04, 2005 12:53:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I noticed a week ago that a hole had appeared in-between my two lower front teeth, at the base where they meet the gum. Today I went to the dentist and it turns out I've got gum disease too (the gum has receeded causing the gap between the bottom of the teeth to appear). He cleaned the teeth (felt like he actually scraped the outer layer off) and it turns out I have a few teeth with these gaps at the base (plaque was in the gaps making them look like they were filled with tooth). Yet with all this damage I had not a single cavity. I'm amazed you can have enough plaque to destroy your gums but not have any holes in your teeth. I also don't see any of this redness that you're supposed to get with gum disease.

Now I'm waiting for the gums to get healthy and then I get to have a tissue graft to fill the holes or have them filled with white filling (which has to be replaced every 5-10 years as it discolors), because gum tissue doesn't grow back. Yay.

I brush twice daily - the problem apparently is caused by not flossing. So always floss! Brushing is not enough!

This has been a community service announcement.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005 6:55:00 AM  
Blogger Kirkkitsch said...

Mariana-
You make a valid point that I always seem to forget, even though I've been hearing it since I was a little kid: small, circular motions. Sometimes I do it and sometimes I don't. I'm definitely going to make a conscious effort to remember that. Thanks for the reminder!

Sarafenix-
Hurray! I'm glad I inspired you to floss more! I really do love my Reach flosser. I use it a lot more than I do the "old school"-style of floss. Apparently, not enough, though. I need to take a cue from you (sans the brushing too hard) ;)

Terri-
Hurray! Another person I've inspired! ;) Seriously, though, I LOVE the OneSweep. It did exactly what I bought it for. BTW, thanks for giving ME the heads up on the new Swiffer CarpetFlick! Hee hee...I can't wait to blog about it!

Ragdoll-
You're jealous? I'M the one who's jealous! I SO wanna try that steam cleaner thingy! I always thought it was so cool on TV!

I'm glad someone besides me remember the Crest team. Lol! I remember the dentist was hawking some serious Crest tie-ins at the time, as was the grocery store!

Jarrod-
Aye yiyi. I see I'm not the only one with dental woes. Your situation makes mine look like minor league stuff! Yipes! Sorry you have to deal with the expense/pain of all that! I am definitely flossing and brushing more (1 minute per area: top/bottom, is what the dental hygienist recommended, so now I keep a timer near the sink area)

I highly recommend the Reach dental flosser. It makes flossing WAY less of a hassle and it's SO much easier to reach those back teeth!

Best of luck with your dental work. Thanks for taking the time to comment. I appreciate it! :)

Saturday, July 09, 2005 2:08:00 PM  

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