Nerd 'n Nosh

Here's a photo collage of my most recent grocery store exploits. As usual, the image descriptions are located beneath and go from left to right:

• Who is this "Juanita" and what has she done with Ricky Martin? I suspect she's the Mexican Yoko Ono that broke Menudo up to begin with! Eh, it's just a theory.

• Ech. Where do I begin, explaining this troglodyte? I can't stand him! It never fails, every time I go to the grocery store this chinless wonder is the only one checking people out and I have too many items to go through the Express Lane. I guess he'd be tolerable if he didn't feel compelled to talk to me every time. I can't buy a magazine, book, new product, bottled water or produce without him finding something about it to talk to me about. I could be buying 3 seemingly unrelated items, like suppositories, egg nog and false eyelashes and he'd find a way to turn it into a 20 minute conversation. Plus, it doesn't help that he's constantly sniffing all the goddamn time! I'm so tempted to put one of those huge travel-size boxes of Kleenex on the conveyor belt and when he goes to scan it, say "Oh no, that's for you, Sniffles." Goddamn!

• This bitch was like fuckin' MasterCard; she was everywhere I wanted to be. It was like some cosmic gag or something. If I wanted something, she was blocking it. If I needed to get down the aisle, she was there on her cell phone. She was completely oblivious to the fact that there were other people in the universe besides her WASPy ass. And then, naturally, the bitch ends up in front of me in the checkout line. She could barely pull herself away from her fabulous cell phone conversation long enough to actually pay for her groceries. Then, to top it off, she stayed at the little area where you write a check and chatted for the duration of MY checkout with the old man bagging groceries. I considered shouting "Look! It's Oprah!!" while pointing at the door entrance, but opted instead to "absent mindedly" push my cart into her tightass and say s'cuse me. Oopsie!

• A new discount grocery store opened down the street and this is their produce section. Pretty!

• Some generic cereal rip-off of Crunchberry cereal. I just thought it was cute. I love how the girl crocodile is swooning over the boy crocodile's juggling skillz. Sometimes the generic products have better packaging than the so-called "name" brands.

• I know. You're thinking "What's you're obsession with cat food, dude?" I can sum that up in two words: So delicious. But seriously, I just thought this was another case of good packaging.

• I likes peaches. And this picture.

• This superhero's name is Slothra. She has the power to stall multiple shoppers behind her while she tries to make up her mind.

• This was yet another cool packaging concept for some generic brand cat food called Cheshire. Love Alice in Wonderland. Love the packaging.

• Mexican Kool-Aid, anyone? This one is Rice Flour flavor! Gah! This was so gross (and cheap), I had to buy it. Forget Ovaltine, more HORCHATA, please!! I'm a whore for Horchata!