In Case No One Can Hear You Scream

I screamed like a woman today. Well, okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a little, but still, it was pretty faggy. Inspired by my friend Terri, I've been in the garage clearing out a lot of clutter. Now for a little exposition if you don't mind: I am paranoid about roaches and rats being in the garage. I may not even have rats, it may be mice, I dunno. My point is, on occasion I have seen roaches in the garage, mainly due to the fact that that's where I sometimes put my bags of garbage, until garbage day rolls around (Wed./Sat.). And though I've never actually seen a rat, mouse or assorted vermin and/or their calling cards (i.e. nature's Raisinets and nibbled boxes), thanks to my mother's own obsession with rats/mice, at her insistence I have set out a paper plate filled with green pellets of rat poison and have seen it gradually disappear over the last 6 months. Thus my paranoia. Thanks mom!

As it turns out, my garage isn't as horrific as I'd anticipated. 85% of the stuff is just empty boxes I've been saving, for what, I dunno. So, while I was piling all these empty boxes, newspapers, etc. I came across this one box that was like 5ft tall and mostly empty, but had some misc. stuff inside that I couldn't reach, so I turned the box upside down to empty the stuff out (more empty boxes and bubble wrap). So, when I bent over to pick up the boxes (I'm guessing, it's all a blur) a rubber ball about the size of a racquetball rolled out and over the top of my foot, and under a piles of boxes. This is what registered in my brain though: Rat: Foot: Sharp Teeth, so I screamed. Sorta. It wasn't really loud or really a scream as much as a really faggy version of The Three Stooges' Curly's "scream" when he's scared (think Spook Louder). Though no one was around, it was still embarrassingly insightful.