Celebrity Eyecandy: Volume 2

The celebrities from left to right are:
Johhny Knoxville (yes, again!), Douglas Smith, Matt Long, Chris Parnell, Tony Slattery, Bree Turner & Joy Gohring, Michael Buble, Alex McArthur, Timothy Olyphant, Noah Blake, Jay Underwood, James Marsters, Bobby Cannavale, Brent Taylor, Cary Elwes, Sarah-Jessica Parker, Scott Caan, Clayton Rohner, Ron Eldard, Chris Evans, George Stults, Carson Daly, Brad Rowe, Jesse Bradford, Salman Kahn, Marco Hofschneider, Matthew Perry, Joey ("Joe") Lawrence, Jennifer Aniston, Selma Blair, Robert Downey, Jr., Lou Ferrigno, Drew Barrymore, Ethan Hawke, David Duchovney, Mike Erwin, John Henton, Stuart Townsend, Giovanni Ribisi, Paul Rudd, Antonio Banderas, Luke Wilson, Christopher Knight, Alain Delon, Matthew Rhys, Thora Birch, Billy Zane, Al Santos, Christopher Meloni, Jeremy Northam, Daniel Bedingfield, Greg Kinnear, Alice Ghostley, Leonardo DiCaprio, Marky ("Mark") Wahlberg, Christina Ricci, Nicholas Brendon, Gilda Radner, Johnathon Schaech, Alex Dimitri, Brett Hollands, John Malkovich, Raoul Bova Sean Astin (yes, again!) and Casper Van Dien.

Amy Sedaris Meets PETA

I just love Amy Sedaris. For those of you who may not be familiar with the 35 year old comedienne, she portrayed Jerri Blank on the cult television show Strangers With Candy, which aired for 3 seasons on Comedy Central. Jerri Blank was a 46 year old high school dropout. After a life that included prostitution, drugs and nefarious other criminal activity, her last arrest spurs her to start getting her life back on track. She does this by moving back home with her father, stepmother and half brother, as well as re-enrolling back into her old high school. And yes, for those who may be wondering, she is the sibling of hilarious author David Sedaris.

I don't have to tell you just how incredibly brilliant the show was. It was the first show since Twin Peaks to competely engage me. It was surreal, dark, hilarious and unlike anything I had seen on TV. Ever. It completely crossed the line on morality, reality and good taste. Naturally, I embraced it. It was like an After School Special on 'ludes. The entire cast was brilliant. A movie based on the TV has finished wrapping up and was a hit at Sundance, recently.

I was recently made aware of an ad campaign that Amy did (as her character, Jerri Blank) for PETA, "What Becomes a Loser Most?" Though I've yet to encounter anyone associated with PETA who wasn't either a holier-than-thou-type incapable of tolerating/respecting any other person's choice, other than their own, I'm all for being humane to animals, it's just that guilt trips and drama aren't necessarily effective on me, however noble. That aside, their ad campaign, spoofing the "What Becomes a Legend Most," vintage pro-fur ads of yesteryear is nothing short of inspired. They're hilarious. More proof that Amy is still the cat's meow.

Steal This Coupon

This coupon is pretty self-explanatory. I subscribe to the Borders electronic newsletter and they are forever sending me similar coupons, but since the nearest one is in Fort Worth, I rarely ever get the opportunity to use them. So my loss is your gain. The e-mail this was attached to said that I could forward the coupon to a friend(s), and I consider my readers my friends, so...enjoy! Just print and go get that book you've had your eye on. Maybe even pick something up for Mother's Day (May 8th). The coupon is good through May 1st.

Keyword Klatch & Link Updates: Vol. 5

This month's keywords that led people to my blog (for more information, click here) are more fucked up than usual:
[ Click List For More Detail ]
• is elijah wood circumcised?
• buying the cow ryan reynolds pubic hair
• john schneider's penis
• jack the ripper tie sale
• is david naughton of american werewolf in london gay?
• john cusack circumcised or not
• cameltoe on bicycle seats
• diarrhea cartoons
• trampled by my babysitter
• angie dickinson's pussy

How these searches led to my blog I'll never know. Apparently my blog is a wealth of penis knowledge, even though I don't recall ever blogging about anyone's penis. There was also a search for "boston terrier farts," but I can't locate it now, but trust me, it was on the list. It also kinda freaks me out that people actually know to type in my screen name "kirkkitsch" when doing searches. I should be flattered, but I still find it kind of odd that someone would even know to use it in the first place.

This month's (as well as past month's) reoccuring question seems to be: "how much is a score?" So, withour further ado, here is the simplest way I have found to explain it:

A score = 20 years
Four score = 4 x 20 = 80
80 + 7 = 87
Four score and seven years ago = 87 years ago
1863* - 87 = 1776

(*The date the Gettysburg Address speech was delivered)

This months favorite searches:

• huge massive pec bouncing movies (Oh yeaaah. ROWR!)
• strawberry shortcake, images, religious, clipart
• michael schoefling (ROWR!)
• jabber jaws the cartoon
• two moon junction richard tyson photos (He was SO hot in that movie!)
• arlington texas prostitute hangouts (WTF?)
• why is it called a blog (A lot of people still don't know this one)

And last, but certainly not least, there seems to be A LOT of interest in my Johnny Knoxville and Ryan Dunn post, so that's why I've attached a great new picture of Johnny in today's blog entry.

New Links Added:

Beefcake
-Andreas Frey
-Athletic Briefs [French site]
-Eli Hanna
-Jaroslav Horvath
-Klock Fitness Center [German site]
-Kulturistika Dorostu [Russian site]
-Muscle Paparazzi
-Phil von Känel
-Stuart Core

Blog Resources
-Blogbinders: Turn your blog into a book!
-Blogthings: Cool stuff to put in your blog
-Jellycounter.com

Celebs
-Bobby Cannavale Haven
-Ryan Reynolds II

Ephemera
-Papergoodies

Fun 'N Games
-Jumble
-Paperdoll Heaven- Celebrity dress-up games

Fun Stuff
-Kevin Allison and Big Flux (thanks Nathan!)
-Scared of Santa Photo Gallery

Horror Movies
NEW category
-Horror Movie Cover Art
-Monsterland Toys

Movies & Television
-DVD Beaver

Pop Culture
-Artghost
-We Ain't Cool

Resources
-Leo'd Icon Archive (thanks Kate!)

Time Machine
-i80s.com: The interactive 80's
-Seventies Design (thanks Timmy Ray!)
-This Day in Music
Blogs
-Lassitude
-Painfully Cool
-Timmy Ray

New Button
-Foamy the Squirrel ("I Hope You Choke On a Biscotti")

No More Running With Scissors

I don't know about you, but I was one of those kids that loved cutting stuff out and making stuff when I was little. Among those activities, there inevitably came the occasional paper doll. But they had to be COOL paperdolls for me to justify them (Kids can be so cruel. Kids stink.). I remember having Mickey and Minnie paperdolls, Katy Keene, Gilda Radner and even some form of ColorForms paperdolls. I'll even admit to buying the (deep breath) Blossom paperdolls. I just wanted the Joey ("Joe") Lawrence one, I swear! Whoa!

So, now that I've embarrassed myself yet again, I must share with you a new site that I discovered, courtesy of one of my newest blog link additions, Timmy Ray: Paperdoll Heaven! It's chock full of celebrity paperdolls and it's loads of fun. You can even change hair color/style, etc. Very cool.

Unfortunately they are short on the male hotties I was hoping for (Johnny Knoxville, Vince Vaughn, Ben Affleck, Elijah Wood, etc.), but they did have Jude Law and Eminem, so I'm appeased. As you can see, I chose to dress Sarah-Jessica Parker, Jude Law, Kelly Osbourne and David Beckham (he was the closest thing I could get to another male 'celeb' that I liked, though he's not really my cup-o-tea). Just like Fashion Plates, I have a flair for fashion! (Though you'd never know it by looking at me) So, go sign up (it's FREE) and start dressing your favorite celebs. And yes, Dave, they have Halle Berry and Jennifer Garner, sans Ben :(...dang. Yet, they paired up Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst. Blech. She gets on my nerves (sorry, Nathan). Oh! Mariana, they have Audrey Tautou and Audrey Hepburn!

P.s. If Sarah-Jessica Parker's skirt looks suspiciously like a blouse, that's because it is a blouse. I had to get creative since there were no good choices available to go with that blouse. Wow...that sounded really gay.

The Good, the Bad and the Fugly

Last week I wasted $23. Yes, I went to see the new Amityville Horror. My reason for going was 3-fold: 1) I love the original and was interested in the "remake," which I'd heard was closer to the book and whose trailer looked promising. 2) Ryan Reynolds looks fuckin' HOT in it. 3) My friend Nathan, who I rarely see, asked me to go.

So, we know going into the movie that today's "remakes" are generally anything but, since the majority of them consider themselves "re-imaginings" and are just cashing in on name-recognition. I don't really have a problem with remakes as much as I have a problem with some of these so-called remakes having almost no resemblance to the original, yet still , like I pointed out earlier, cashing in on name recognition, which I think is a pretty chickenshit thing to do. The message I'm trying to convey is this: Though I may love the original version of something (The Big Sleep, Psycho, etc.) I'm not married to it and am open to other interpretations, providing the cast, etc. looks interesting to me.

With that said, we settled in for 25 minutes of fuckin' Coke, video game and car commercials. After the trailers, the movie began. Within the first 5 minutes, we both looked over at each other and rolled our eyes, because we've seen enough movies to know what the new directors consider "cool" editing. You know, that fast editing-static-frame jumping-crackly-sped up movement-"technique" that so many movies (most notably horror) pass off these days as "edgy." So the movie starts out with "Based on a true story" (trying to compete with the mysterious success of the Texas Chainsaw remake) and all these clips of newspaper articles, faux archival news footage, etc. YAWN. A little goes a lonnnnnnnnnng way.

I guess I should give you a quick synopsis, just in case you are not familiar with either film: George & Kathy Lutz and Kathy's 3 children are moving into an elegant Long Island home. What they don't know is that 5 savage murders were committed there the year before - Ronald DeFeo Jr., son of a wealthy car dealer, murdered his parents, brothers & sister by shooting them with a rifle in November 1974. No sooner are the Lutzes moved into the house than they begin to experience horrible things.

So, we haven't completely written the movie off yet, we're a little more forgiving than that. We're still open to the movie's possibility. Then the first big laugh (from both of us) comes when we see the fuckin' troglodyte they cast as the youngest son, Michael Lutz (AKA "Jimmy Bennett"). Fuckin' FA-REEK! WOW. You will just never know how fuckin' goofy this little bastard looks. The picture I included here is nowhere near as eye-gougingly-awful as seeing him on the big screen. Seriously. When he first appears on the screen, we both died laughing. He looks seriously retarded. Like a duck with gingivitis and bucked teeth. He's seriously the scariest fuckin' thing in the entire movie.

Instead of rehashing the entire film, I'll just highlight what went SO wrong with the movie:

1) Ryan Reynolds, though HOT is horribly miscast and not convincing as a madman. Beard or not, he lacks the masculinity needed to pull off the menacing/threatening character of George Lutz. He's way too good-looking and muscular/defined for a character that is supposed to exist in the 70's. Overuse of the whole "Visine gets he red out"-bloodshot eyes contact lenses. Yeah, we get it. Put the ton of bricks away already.

2) There is no sense of eerie atmosphere established before/during/after the scenes of "horror" begin to kick in. And when they do kick in they are too soon into the film, often brief and "trendily"-edited (you know, that loud, 'startling' music cue with a brief shot of something 'horrific' reflected in the mirror, flashed across the screen, etc.). This technique prevails throughout the entire film and is used to the point of overkill. Obviously the director has watched NIN's 'Closer' video way too many times. Cheap, generic "scares" consisting of sudden loud music cues and/or sounds, equivalent to the ol' stray cat jumping out at you.

3) The "climactic" scene towards the end when Ryan Reynold's character, George Lutz, chops down the basement wall and discovers some sort of ancient torture chamber (in lieu of the original film's 'doorway to Hell,' which was more effective), complete with more "shocking" fast-paced, sped-up, 'gory' imagery, comes out of nowhere. And when it is explained, it's done too quickly, shoddily and WAY too over-the-top to be remotely plausible.

All in all, me no likee, though I've seen worse. Proof that some things are better left alone. Though, I will admit I'll probably buy it for Ryan, alone. It'll have to be cheap though. And also so that I can do a screen capture of that backwoods freak Jimmy Bennett, and show you just how freakishly distracting he truly is. And for those out there who may find him adorable or precious, you can have him. A shaved babboon's ass with googly eyes glued on it would be more appealing. Goddamn.

So, stick to the original. It may be "old school," but it was a much better film, complete with believable characters, solid plot development, genuine chills and a better music score. All that and it doesn't rely on hokey scares or played out editing trends.

Are You Sitting Down? Get a Load of This...

I don't know how many of you out there have gotten wind of the latest bullshit passing itself off as news, but just in case, here's some copy on the story, courtesy of ABC News, who also has the video footage, just click the hyperlink:

---

ST. PETERSBURG - How young is too young to be handcuffed?

That's the question that school officials, parents, and police are asking in the wake of the videotaped arrest of a 5-year-old girl at her St. Petersburg school.

March 14, Fairmount Park Elementary School teacher Christina Ottersbach set up a camcorder to record herself teaching for future evaluation. She ended up recording nearly a half-hour of video showing 5-year-old Ja'eisha Scott alternately lashing out and quietly ignoring her teachers' instructions.

The footage starts in Ottersbach's classroom, where assistant principal Nicole Dibenedetto and teacher Patti Tsaousis are trying to calm Ja'eisha down and get her to clean up a mess that she has made. Ottersbach had pulled her other students out of the room because of the girl's unseen outburst, leaving just the three.

"This is your mess to clean up. We need you to stop. You may not do this," Dibenedetto patiently but firmly tells the girl, who stubbornly refuses.

Eventually, Ja'eisha did start cleaning up the mess, but after that, she refused to leave the room. Only when Dibenedetto and Tsaousis asked her to make a choice before they counted to five did she finally leave with them.

Things evidently did not improve after that, however. The tape cuts to Dibenedetto's office, which has been trashed, apparently by Ja'eisha. She is seen ripping papers off the wall and refusing Dibenedetto's requests to stay in a chair.

Ja'eisha even becomes violent at that point, taking countless swings at Dibenedetto, who only puts her hands up to block the girl's punches. The only other time the assistant principal touches the girl is when she lifts Ja'eisha off a table she had twice climbed upon.

Shortly after that, voices are heard saying that police have arrived. Ja'eisha sits in the chair pouting as three uniformed St. Petersburg police officers walk in.

"Do you remember me?" one of them asks Ja'eisha. "I'm the one who told your mom I'd put handcuffs on you."

The officers followed up on that threat, pulling the girl from the chair and handcuffing her behind her back. The anguish on the Ja'eisha's face is evident in the tape, which cuts off seconds after she starts screaming.

Watching just the last few seconds of the tape before the girl is handcuffed, it is difficult to understand why the officers took that step. The 25 minutes of tape before that provide some context, but not enough for the girl's family.

"The police officers' actions are way over the top. Three police officers having to forcibly handcuff a 5-year-old little girl? I mean, come on," attorney John Trevena stated. "Is there anything more that needs to be said about that?"

No charges were filed against Ja'eisha, but Trevena -- who released the video to the public -- promised legal action against the police department and possibly the school on behalf of the family.

But school administrators and police both seemed to enjoy support from their colleagues when pressed by Action News.

"There are times when you have to physically restrain the child or contain the child in a situation like that. And we think she did that appropriately, based on the circumstances," superintendent Dr. Ron Stone said of Dibenedetto's conduct.

Hillsborough County school psychologist Dr. Tracy Schatzberg agreed that the situation had reached a point where school officials had no choice but to turn to police.

"I think she's doing a good job of staying calm and redirecting the little girl. She really only puts her hands on the little girl when she gets onto the table and is in jeopardy of getting hurt," Schatzberg observed as she watched the tape. "I think at a certain point, if we've given her this long and we know that she's not de-escalating and we're confident that we can't help her -- which it looks like they tried to do -- it seems like calling police is the last resort."

St. Petersburg police would not comment on the incident, pending an internal investigation that was expected to be completed within two weeks. But every other police agency Action News spoke with on Friday agreed that while it may not be advisable, there can be times that it is appropriate to handcuff a child.

"The use of handcuffs is a very effective way," added Sgt. Laura Regan of the Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office, who admitted having to handcuff an elementary school girl before to keep her from biting people. "It doesn't hurt the child; it gets their hands behind their back and stops the action that is hurting other people."

"It depends on the circumstances. What is this child or kid doing that he is so out of control that he has to be restrained?" Tampa police spokesman Joe Durkin said. "You don't know until you're in that situation."

---

Boy, times have really changed. Nothing like this ever happened when I was growing up. Oh yeah, I NEVER ACTED LIKE THIS! Ridiculous. Here's my opinion. "Ja'eisha" needs the shit slapped out of her. I am so sick and tired of supposed "parents" dropping the ball when it comes to disciplining their children, then people like educators, private citizens, the governement and authorities get put in the position to deal with them. THEN getting sued or scrutinized for the way the situation was handled. Complete and utter bullshit. And you know this ain't some isolated incident. If she's acting this way at school, you KNOW she acts this way at home.

With all the lawsuits and abuse of the first amendment, children today have no respect for teachers, their parents, etc. Remember when you were little and being sent to the principle MEANT something? Remember when the principle could paddle you? And this little "girl" is just 5 years old! Not even kindergarten age yet. At this rate, wtf is she gonna be like by the time she hits junior high? Fuck it. I say flush her and count your losses.

Fuck this text-book "time-out" method. I've been to enough public places to see that it doesn't work. Too many parents are too afraid to be perceived as being ogres by complete strangers, friends and/or family members. And you know what? Those people don't have to live with the tantrums, screaming/kicking scenes and verbal abuse, so fuck them. Mind your own goddamn business.

These types of out-of-control kids need a good spanking. A Cyber Survey taken by the Detroit News, earlier this year, showed that 84.20% of parents claim they spank their children as a form of discipline. The other 15.80% say they did not. I find this survey more than a little hard to believe. One of the reasons being that I see, firsthand, how kids act in public on a regular basis. Secondly, these moron's response to this particular news story on a message board:

• I guess a timeout was out of the question?
• Sounds like the police in Florida like to scare little kids. i.e. Elian Gonzalez
• My tax money is being used to pay these idiots. They should be fired.
• The kid needs behavioral education not cuffs.

However I'm hopeful when I see people comment, who aren't deluded bleeding-hearts:

• I opt for a good ole fashion wood shed, forget the cuffs, she's a BRAT.
• I saw where the mother has hired a lawyer.........she should be punishing the child for her misbehavior!!
Response by another poster: Nawww...that would be to logical and mom wouldn't rake in a bunch of money. You should be GLAD you retired...with the way our children are becoming.
• Well...it was either hand cuffs or a good spanking...and the person doing the spanking would been given the death sentence.
• Describing this child's conduct as "unruly" is a gross understatement!
• I just saw the video. The child was out of control and would not settle down until the LEOs took command of the situation. She has had previous behavior problems where police were required to intervene. It wouldn't surprise me to learn that the kid was a crack baby.
• In the old days she would have gotten a spanking.
• I raised 3...to this day they would not think of behaving like that. All is took was a look and they knew THE LOOK. I know people didn't cringe when they saw my kids coming. I've had a kid like that at my house, they were asked not to return and if they did take her to the nearest kennel first. They did not return....THANK GOODNESS!!
• I wouldn't be a teacher in todays schools for all the tea in China.
• I say spank the parents.
• This one deserved far more than a good scare. Watch the video.

The world and its' inhabitants have all gone insane. I deliberately don't blog about this stuff more often because the insanity of it all just makes for higher blood pressure. Ech. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Hopeless.

According to the 'How Normal Are You?' Quiz...

You Are 50% Normal (Somewhat Normal)

While some of your behavior is quite normal... Other things you do are downright strange You've got a little of your freak going on But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

How Normal Are You?

Come Hungry. Leave Hairppy.

I recently went to a movie and out to eat with a friend of mine. The movie sucked ass, so we were hoping to redeem the evening by eating at IHOP. Pancakes: The original soul food. Anyhoo, we place our orders: Him: The Tex-Mex Omelette. Me: The Passport Breakfast with choice of pancakes. I chose buttermilk. While we're waiting for our food to arrive, we pass the time talking about how bad the movie was and other assorted topics.

Then our food arrives. I take one look at my plate and start laughing. It's SO my kind of luck, so it doesn't surprise me at all to see a hair on my plate*. My friend is clueless to what I am laughing about, so I show him the plate and ask if he sees anything out of the ordinary. It takes him a few minutes, but he eventually does and starts laughing along with me. Naturally, I take a picture (insert the jingle 'Celebrate the moments of your life') and simply blow it off the plate. Neither of us are really that grossed out by it, but I think a lot of people would be. My logic is why send it back when all they are gonna do is either A) get vindictive and deliberately do something worse or B) do the same thing I did and blow it off the plate and return with a supposed 'fresh' one. I figure I've probably unwittingly eaten worse and if I DO get sick for whatever reason, I have photographic evidence and a witness. Que sera, sera.

However I know people who would pitch a major fit in order to get their meal comped and/or some kind of compensation. However, for me, this just wasn't that big of a deal. What would you have done?

And, of course, being the juvenile that I am, I naturally found the receipt funny as well.

*The hair is hard to see, so I did a negative closeup of it, which shows more detail.

Guys Gone Filed: Volume IV

For more details and a brief explanation of this series, please click here. To see Volume 2 and Volume 3, click the corresponding hyperlinks. My favorite this time around? Wow, it's a really tough decision this time. I have so many favorites in this particular collage. However, if I HAD to choose just one, it would have to be the guy in the last two photos at the very bottom of the collage. Beautiful. Enjoy!

Spring Has Sprung

Here is my latest collage of digital photos. I know some of them may seem odd, but I found them beautiful for one reason or another. I'm thankful my friends are so patient & understanding when it comes to me taking pictures of things that probably don't make sense to anyone else but me. Lol! Enjoy!

[1] A bush outside of Ho Ho Kitchen
[2] Popsicle case at the mall
[3] Assorted brightly-colored pots at Jo-Ann's Fabric & Crafts
[4] Assorted produce at the nearby Braum's ice cream store
[5] Braum's brand Lemon-Lime softdrink
[6] Lunch at Braum's. They make awesome hamburgers!
[7] Some guy from the latest V-8 commercial. What a cutie-face!
[8] Six Flags Mall has a green thumb
[9] Target's parking lot
[10] The colorful interior of the local Cinemark movie theater. How cool is that trashcan?! The Cinemark chain has the best interiors of any of the movie theater chains.
[11] Little Caesar's sign at their newest location down the street from where I live. Home of the $5 large pepperoni pizza! I've always loved their logo character
[12/13] The lush view from my den's window. I love how green everything looks early in the morning (7:30AM). Check out the silhouette of my cast-iron bunny bank!
[14] "Rain Lillies" in my flowerbed
[15] Freshly-bloomed Larkspur in my flowerbed
[16] The only sign of the Wisteria that was blooming around my doorway. It's all gone now (thanks a lot rain!)
[17] A cluster of leaves I found interesting in the library parking lot. They had accumulated next to a cement parking space marker

Noah's Ark Mentality

I've noticed a disturbing trend. Well, I guess technically it's not really a trend, since it's been going on for some time now. I think maybe I've just noticed how it's intensified over the last 6-8 months. "It" being the whoring of online matchmaking services. These days, it seems like you can't go anywhere on the World Wide Web without being inundated with pop ups and/or pimpalicious ads for the matchmaking service flavor of the month. I think my favorite one of all is the Yahoo! Personals ad that says: "She likes walks in the park. He likes...whatever she likes." Aw, that's beautiful. Sniffle. (aims gun at head...a single shot rings out). By the way, for those who didn't know, according to online dating services, here are the real foundations for any lasting relationship:

• Hot pants
• Wesson-oiled, bodacious breast implants
• A big, stiff cock
• $250,000+ annual income

I realize that as a species, we're psychologically wired to look for a "mate." BUT, on the other hand, I guess I don't understand the 'do or die' thought process that tells everyone: "You're a loser if you don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend." Or "You're somehow 'defective'if you're not in a relationship." Or the worst one "You must procreate!" Now, I'm not saying there aren't exceptions to every rule, I'm sure there are some people out there that are damaged goods, but short of having a pentagram on your palm and receiving warnings via a mysterious gypsy woman, I am hard pressed to believe that being single is some kind of curse. On the contrary, I consider people who don't have the wherewithal to do anything alone MUCH scarier. It's like those ads for Radio Shack where everyone in the family SUV just has to have something to keep them occupied during their trip. Be it an MP3 player, multifunctional cell phone, Gameboy, in-car DVD player and/or satellite radio. Please give me a fuckin' break. Are we, as a culture really that fuckin' afraid to be alone? Afraid of silence?

[ Click Image to Enlarge]
When I was younger I was more gullible and a lot more idealistic, so, naturally I had fleeting thoughts of one day having a boyfriend of my very own. But, not unlike my Furby, Tamagotchi digipet and countless other fads that came before it, I eventually outgrew the novelty. At the risk of sounding pretentious, I consider myself to be highly perceptive and it's been my collective experience that the majority of these "relationships" are nothing more than collective comfort zones, brimming with codependence and an overwhelming fear of being alone. I can't tell you how many relationships I've seen over the last 15 years that have involved just about every possibility. Some of which included:

• Spouse abuse (Both verbal and physical)
• Drug abuse
• Sex addiction
• Brainwashing (AMCO, anyone?)
• Infidelity

And that's just '89-'91. And don't even get me started on the mindless zombies that lose all sense of self and personal preferences they may have possessed at one time. All forsaken for "love." Pod people alert! I've been friends with plenty of couples and it saddens me to see people I like(d) obviously not meant to be together for whatever reason. And worse, the ones that SO don't need to be together who stay together for years because they've simply become comfortable in their rut. These are the ones that you get to see argue at your parties, bend your ear about how bad the other one is, what they did and generally disrespect each other with regularity. Isn't love beautiful? (insert sarcastic fart noise here)

Now, now, that's not saying I wouldn't be open to the possibility, should it arise at some point in my life, but in the meantime I'm not waiting for someone to "complete" me, nor am I actively searching. Though I'm a surface pessimist, I'm also a closet optimist, so I do think some relationships can and do work and I haven't thrown in the towel just yet. On the flip sid, however, are the people who inevitably think their relationship is the shining exception to all the bad ones. Sure. Whatever gets you through the day, Dreamweaver.

Buuuut, being a romantic at heart, there's always hope. However, in the meantime I really do enjoy having a free reign over my choice of activities, food, friends, schedule, etc. I'm not ready to start getting permission and/or checking in with someone just yet. I'm just not ready to trade in freedom for "we"dom.

I'm Baaaaaaack

Some of you may have noticed that my blog page was blank and/or not loading, for the majority of the day yesterday. I noticed this too, around 7AM, but assumed it had something to do with my computer, so thanks to those of you who e-mailed me to let me know about it.
I e-mailed the people here at Blogspot, but have yet to receive a response. Oh well, I can't complain (too much), it's not like they're not giving me all this cool blog space for free. Besides, it's fixed now and I didn't lose all my blog entries, like I had originally feared.

If that had happened I would've, in the immortal words of Samantha Baker of Sixteen Candles: "shit twice then die." (even though I have them all saved to CD-ROM, for just such an emergency)

So, anyway, just wanted to let you know what happened, assuming you noticed something happened. Lol! Anyway, I'm back. Long live My So-Called Strife!

R.I.P. Nytol QuickGel

I have a thing about insects. I don't like them in my house. Especially roaches. They don't make me squeamish or scare me or anything, I just hate them. Even though I keep my house clean and consider myself a clean person, I still, on occasion see one around the house. Not so much in the house, but sometimes in the garage or the back porch. But I digress.
Having this deep-seated hatred of all things roach, I tend to get paranoid whenever I hear noises I deem roach-worthy. For example, I was in the bathroom, doin' my thang when I hear a very faint sound coming from the magazine rack. It sounds (in my mind) like little insect legs scuttling against paper. Aha! It's a roach! I just know it!

So, being very quiet, I lean over the magazine rack and inspect it. I see that the pages of the Word Jumble book are slightly parted, as if something has lodged itself between the pages. This is my chance to pounce! I mash the front of the magazine with my thumb, while pressing my other fingers against the magazine rack for leverage. That's one dead...Nytol QuickGel? Oh. It's not a roach at all. It's a stray Nytol that I dropped a few weeks ago and never managed to locate. Take heed lone roaches! Ahem...

What I'm Listening to: Vol. V

Here are my latest CD purchases.
• Moby: Hotel
• Billie Holiday: Swing! Brother, Swing!
• Fred Schneider: Just...Fred
• Keely Smith: Swing It!
• Astralasia: Space Between
• Gladiator Motion Picture Soundtrack
• Jimmie Rodgers: The Best of Jimmie Rodgers
• Daft Punk: Human After All
• Ferry Corsten: Mixed Live
• Jon Blues Explosion Spencer: Plastic Fang
• Thrice: If We Could Only...
• Ruby: Tiny Meat [Single]
• Nitzer Ebb: Belief 1988
• A Tribute to Led Zeppelin: Metal Vs. Electronica
• A Tribute to Queen: Metal Vs. Electronica
• Keely Smith with Count Basie: 1963 Live Guard Sessions plus The Count Basie Sextet Live in 1956 [Import]
• Kascade: It's You, It's Me [I highly recommend this album. Excellent from beginning to end!]
• Device: 22B3
• King Kooba: Nufoundfunk
• Meat Beat Manifesto: Jack Dangers Remix Collection: Pro-File 1
• Bruce McCulloch: Answering Machine & More...

Will Sanderson: Anatomy of a Cutie

I finally got around to seeing the movie House of the Dead. I'm normally so not into zombie movies (Reason: The 2 G's: Genric and overtly Gory), but I happened to catch it on cable a few nights ago. If anything, it confirmed my lack of interest in the genre (zombie movies, not horror). Suffice to say I'm amazed there is a sequel in thw works. Ack! HOWEVER, I found one of the actors so damn cute, it made the dreck tolerable (up to the point where he got killed, then what interest I did have, plummeted). His name is Will Sanderson. Since I was unable to find any pictures of him online, with the exception of one really bad/old headshot, I decided to do some screen captures from the movie. So, here he is in all his cuteness.

Now, onto the next collage of images. Since the topic seems to be somewhat related to the movie (i.e. dead things), I thought I would share some images from some recent eBay auctions I stumbled upon while typing in random words into the search engine. I love medical imagery, esp. vintage medical imagery, so the first item was right up my alley. Unfortunately, these types of items (vintage anatomy charts) go for considerably more money than I am willing to spend, so I did not bother bidding.

In addition, there are some images of a vintage mortician's embalming kit. Sure, it's morbid, but it's also fascinating to look at. I particularly liked the one jar whose label reads: "Makes Every Embalmer A Master Cosmetician"

Caramel Critique

There I was at Target, minding my own business, trying to decide what kind of candy I couldn't live without at that particular moment in time. Then I saw them: Junior Caramels. From the makers of Junior Mints, a subsidiary of Tootsie Roll. Mmmmm! I luff caramel!

They reminded me an awful lot of a candy I remember called Pom-Poms. Unfortunately they are just one of the many delicious candies that have been discontinued, which is too bad, because they were pretty good. Of course, one can't discount the king of bite-size caramels: Milk Duds.

If I had to rank them, it's go: Milk Duds, Pom-Poms then Junior Caramels. Don't get me wrong, the Junior Caramels were nice and soft and tasted good, but I've tasted better. They didn't have enough of a caramel flavor. That may sound weird, since that's what they actually ARE, but the caramel taste was pretty weak.

The box says that they are "ideal for snacking and sharing with friends of all ages!" That's why I'm sharing this mini review with you. Try 'em and judge for yourself, or better yet, buy some Milk Duds and Junior Caramels and do your own taste test and report back to me! Let's be careful out there!

P.s. For all you out there with fillings, like myself (God, I'm turning into my mother, next thing you know I'll be preaching the pitfalls of burning candles in the house...sigh. I'm getting old.), Junior Caramels really are very soft, so enjoy them without fear.

On Sale Now!

[ Click Image For More Detail ]Ever wonder what ever happened to some of your favorite TV and movie stars of the 60's, 70's and 80's? Well, then you just got lucky. American Media, Inc. just released a special edition issue of Where Are They Now? It has over 200 photos of your favorite stars Then & Now! Once I saw the cover and all the people inside, I was forced to purchase one. It's a Who's Who of movies and television of the 60's, 70's and 80's! I always wondered what the cast of Alice was up to these days, not to mention some of my other favorites like Max Gail of Barney Miller. God, I had SUCH a crush on him. In addition to reading about what's currently going on in their lives, you'll also get to see what they look like today. Very cool stuff! The celebrities include:

John Amos, Gilian Anderson, Harry Anderson, Alison Arngrim, Beatrice Arthur, John Astin, Christopher Atkins, Scott Baio, Amanda Bearse, Robby Benson, Ken Berry, Mayim Bialik, Traci Bingham, Linda Blair, Zachery Ty Bryan, Levar Burton, Kirk Cameron, Lynda Carter, Angela Cartwright, Lacey Chabert, Mindy Cohn, Jeff Conaway, Mike Connors, Mary Crosby, Brandon Cruz, James Darren, Pam Dawber, Bo Derek, Susan Dey, Tony Dow, Julia Duffy, Barbara Eden, Jenna Elfman, Linda Evans, Greg Evigan, Antonio Fargas, David Faustino, Stephen Furst, Max Gail, Janeane Garofalo, Linda Gray, Ricahrd Grieco, Jasmine Guy, Lukas Haas, Julie Hagerty, Linda Hamilton, Richard Hatch, Robert Hayes, Robert Hegyes, Jason Hervey, Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, Polly Holliday, Kate Jackson, Kristen Johnson, John Karlen, David Lander, Linda Lavin, Emmanuel Lewis, Hal Linden, Mark Linn-Baker, Peggy Lipton, Barry Livingston, Stanley Livingston, Ralph Macchio, Larry Manetti, Randolph Mantooth, Jerry Mathers, Ted McGinley, Michael McKean, Ricardo Montalban, John O'Hurley, Susan Olsen, Tony Orlando, Peter Ostrum, Catherine Oxenberg, Butch Patrick, Melody Patterson, Radames Pera, Donna Pescow, Paul Petersen, Bronson Pinchot, Annie Potts, Stefanie Powers, Jon Provost, John Ratzenberger, Molly Ringwald, Wayne Rogers, Lulu Roman, Linda ronstadt, Gary Sandy, Josh Saviano, Peter Scolari, Cathy Silvers, Jan Smithers, Harvey Stephens, Parker Stevenson, Jodie Sweetin, Loretta Swit, Keith Thibodeaux, Heather Thomas, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Lyle Waggoner, Lindsey Wagner, Dennis Weaver, Jill Whelan, Jaleel White, Debra Winer, Henry Winkler, Joanne Worley and Stephanie Zimbalist.

On sale now through June 27th. Pick one up today, you'll be glad you did!

Book Quiz...

-If you couldn't get out of "Fahrenheit 451," what book would you like to be?
The Immoralist by Andre Gide

-Did you ever have a crush on a fictional character?
The antagonist in the pulp novel Muscle Boy by Bud Clifton

-What was the last book you bought?
Foreign Body by Roderick Mann

-What was the last book you read?
Come and Knock on Our Door: A Guide to Three's Company by Chris Mann

-What book are you reading now?
Risen by J. Knight

-Five books you would take with you to a deserted island?

[1] A Get Fuzzy Anthology or Cathy Anthology of cartoons
[2] The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank by Erma Bombeck
[3] The Immoralist by Andre Gide
[4] Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll
[5] The Incredible Lou Ferrigno by Lou Ferrigno

Three people you're going to pass this on to, and why?
• Terri, because she has more books than me.
• Sarah over at Princess Wild Cow, because I'm curious to see what kinds of books she reads.
• Scheiss Weekly, for the same reason I am sending it to Sarah.

Pretty Pretty*

Thank God for virtual friends, otherwise I may never have any. Lol! I finally got around to getting some friends over at MySpace.com, and for the record, neither of the Louies here are the one I originally blogged about. That Louie declined my (multiple [2]) requests of friendship. See? I told you he was a jackass. The ones with X's on them are the Indian givers: they gave their friendship then rescinded it. Oh well, c'est la vie.

I have 7 favorites, can you guess which ones?

*Barbarella reference

Lost 'n Found -or- Hey! Look What I Found in My Drawers! Vol. 2

I mentioned last week that I've been doing some spring cleaning and that during said cleaning I've ran across assorted things that I either forgot I had, thought were lost forever and/or simply misplaced over time. Well, here is a handful of those things that were lost but are now found:

[1] Some vintage German paper somethings that I bought years ago. I'm not sure if they are paper dolls or what, but I think they're great.
[2] Wow, this one is a real blast from the past. It's my old address book from the early 80's. Filled with my then awful cursive writing. Thank God that was just temporary. Apparently this was from around the time I was going through my fan mail-writing phase (circa 1983). Some addressees include: Bruce Boxleitner (I had SUCH a crush on him on Scarecrow and Mrs. King), Punky Brewster (she was the 80's adolescent equivalent of Avril Lavigne), Mindy Cohn ('Natalie' from The Facts of Life), Olivia Newton-John, Michael Jackson, Jameson Parker (God, he was pecalicious on Simon & Simon) and, of course, The A-Team (LOL!).
[3] A kitschtacular book given to me by my friend, Derik: Advanced Techniques of Hypnosis
[4] One of the few childhood photos of myself that I like. This is actually my favorite one. Me: Age 3. I still have that same look on my face + the circles under my eyes from restless nights contemplating the meaning of life.
[5/8] One of 2 mini CD3 singles. Both by Duran Duran. I still think this small format kicks MAJOR ass. I dunno why it was abandoned so quickly. I just love 'em.
[6] A stencil set I bought at a dime store. I think it's really great.
[7] The activity book that came with my first calculator, The Little Professor. God, I hated math. The calculator was a cute concept, though. Wish I still knew where it was.
[9] Some vintage (70's) Peanuts Christmas wrapping paper. One of the things I loved about the wrapping papers of the 70's were the colors. They didn't "play by the rules" when it came to use of color. I loved the weirdo color combos. This square of wrapping paper was still sealed in its' orig. wrapper. Priced at just 35¢. Sigh. I miss the past sometimes.
[10] More paper whatevers from Germany.
[11] Whoa! It's Joey Lawrence (AKA "Joe" now) from Blossom. Who knew he'd turn out to be so fuckin' hot? Shocker. I still think his brothers are trogs, though. They have Yuckface Syndrome. Sorry Joey.
[12] A scene from one of my favorite I Love Lucy videos. In this episode "Lucy Writes a Novel." I LOVE this scene, because it always makes me laugh. In the scene Lucy has told Ethel that she wants to put her in her new book, so she's asking Ethel what makes her 'tick.' Naturally, Ethel gets melodramatic and begins to go into great detail about how there's more to her than meets the eye. She's complex and deeply emotional. She "Feeeels things." Naturally, while Ethel is going on and on about how 'deep' she is, Fred walks in and asks her if she's having stomach cramps. Lol!
[13] A handful of colorful plastic animal-face buttons. I found a whole box of 'em!
[14] Fangface View-Master reels. God, I love Fangface. Viva la 80's!
[15] My original 3-D glasses from when I went to see Jaws 3 or Friday the 13th 3-D...I forget.
[16] Paper bookmarks from Germany. The canary in the tux and the monkey riding the giraffe are among my favorites.

National Library Week '05

This week is National Library Week. I hope you'll find the time to visit your local branch of the public library and check things out. I love the branch of the library near my house. It's quaint and quiet and I get endless (and free) enjoyment of renting movies, CDs and, of course, books there. It's also a great place to catch up on recent magazines and newspapers. At the library I frequent, you can even participate in a 'coupon exchange.' I realize that a coupon may be an alien concept to some of you people out there, but for those of us on what's commonly called a 'budget,' they come in quite handy. The coupon exchange simply consists of a 9X4.5-sized box, covered in wrapping paper with the word "Coupon Exchange" written on the front and it is filled, file-style, with grocery coupons. It's preferred that you bring some coupons with you to trade-in, for whatever you take out. It's a great resource.

To commemorate NLW, I've decided to share a few books with you that I am either currently reading, recently finished, or are next on my waiting list. Send someone you know a National Library Week e-card!

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• Boogeyman by Jeff Mariotte ($2.74)
Synopsis: When he was a boy, Tim Jensen knew the true meaning of fear, for it haunted his nights and set in motion the tragic events that would steal his sanity, take his youth, and shape the rest of his life. These days, Tim gets by most of the time...with the past still casting a long shadow over the muted sense of normalcy that he has struggled for as an adult. But lurking in the dim-lit corners of his world, hiding within the darkest recesses of his senses, something that may or may not be a figment of Tim's imagination is watching -- and waiting. The waking nightmare that has lasted more than fifteen years may have only just begun....
Comments: Since I never seem to get around to actually going to the movies anymore, I enjoy reading/collecting the movie tie-in paperbacks from movies I want to see. A lot of times I enjoy the book just as much, if not more, than the movie. Such as the case of Dark City (85¢), Valentine (75¢), Sky Captain ($1.35), and countless others. I enjoy movie tie-in books because, more often than not, they expand on the plot and/or characters, making the movie experience all that much more enjoyable. However, in this case, Boogeyman was a piece of snail-paced caca dookie. I'd already heard negative things about the movie from the Gen (wh)Y drool brigade via AOL's online chat rooms. Of course, someone else's review of something never deters me from watching/reading/eating whatever I want to. I still intend to rent the movie once it's released to DVD, and like anything else, I'll buy it if I happen to like it. However, the book version of the film wasted no time in boring me early on with repetitive, useless in-depth analysis of the protagonist's "condition," emotions, internal dialogue, etc. In a nutshell: It was boring and took too long between "thrills 'n chills."

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• Quirkyalone by Sasha Cagen ($7)
Synopsis: The author of Quirkyalone describes someone who is quirkyalone as: "Being able to live a fulfilled, happy life whether you're single or coupled up. It doesn't mean you're opposed to being in a relationship, but you don't need to be in one."
Comments: Wow, I really love/embrace the message of this book. The message being that being alone is not a death sentence nor is 'coupledom' always THE one-and-only answer to happiness and contentment. Though I may not agree completely with some of the things in the book (I agree with one reviewer's observation of "Important but fluffy"), for the most part, I 'got' it. The book is touted as a book for 'everyone,' but I'm not so sure the average married, coupled, dating person could or would 'get' it and or appreciate it's point of view. I'm sure there are couples out there that are able to maintain their individuality, though most consider themselves the 'exception' to the pitfalls of an unsuccessful/stagnant relationship. This book is more for those people out there who are comfortable with being single.

You can visit the Quirkyalone web site and take the quiz (my quirkyalone score was 92) and see the interview on CNN's Anderson Cooper 360º show. Anderson Cooper has the distinction of being handsome, while simultaneously being a jackass. There's a definite air of sarcasm to just about everything he says during the 'interview.' Proof that assholes really do come in all shapes and sizes.

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• Risen by J. Knight ($1.25)
Synopsis: Welcome to Anderson. It's pretty quiet here and that's the way we like it. One thing, though. Madge Duffy murdered her husband John last week, or thought she did. She spent the night in jail but then John walked out of the morgue none the worse for wear. And there's a bullet hole in Deputy Haws' shirt that he can't explain. Something's going on in this town of ours. Something that makes your skin crawl and your teeth grind in the night. I don't know what it is, but I'll tell you this: It scares me.
Comments: If you're a regular reader of my blog, then you know that rarely do I like anything zombie-related, whether it be movies or books. However, there are always exceptions (Shock Waves, Dead & Buried, The Children). So far, this is one of them. I'm currently on chapter 6 of this book and the reviews I read were right, it is a 'page turner' and I am 'hooked.' Personally, the book reminds me an awful lot of the 80's movie Dead & Buried (75¢ at Half.com). Not your typical zombie story. Good stuff.

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• Burger Wuss by M. T. Anderson (75¢)
Synopsis: It looked to be a love story for the ages. They first met as she was handing over his order of a Big O sandwich, six-piece nuggets, small fries, and a medium chocolate shake. He had exact change. They spent a magical night together with a gang of young rebels, traipsing through town on a mission to correct grammatical errors in street signs and graffiti ("Drive Slowly"). But just when it seemed things couldn't be better, tragedy struck. Anthony caught his beloved Diana making out at a party with another guy. And what's worse, he was a high school graduate from the neighboring town, hailing only by his last name: Turner. Now Anthony must devise a vengeful plan by which he can humiliate his humiliator and win back his girl.
Comments: I found this book on sale for 99¢ at a local discount bookstore. I think it sounds like a lot of fun. Relatively short book, I'm looking forward to reading it.

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• Thumbsucker by Walter Kirn (75¢)
Synopsis: Meet Justin Cobb, "the King Kong of oral obsessives" (as his dentist dubs him) and the most appealingly bright and screwed-up fictional adolescent since Holden Caulfield donned his hunter's cap. For years, no remedy--not orthodontia, not the escalating threats of his father, Mike, a washed-out linebacker turned sporting goods entrepreneur, not the noxious cayenne pepper-based Suk-No-Mor--can cure Justin's thumbsucking habit.

Then a course of hypnosis seemingly does the trick, but true to the conservation of neurotic energy, the problem doesn't so much disappear as relocate. Sex, substance abuse, speech team, fly-fishing, honest work, even Mormonism--Justin throws himself into each pursuit with a hyperactive energy that even his daily Ritalin dose does little to blunt.

Each time, however, he discovers that there is no escaping the unruly imperatives of his self and the confines of his deeply eccentric family. The only "cure" for the adolescent condition is time and distance.
Comments: I was inspired to read this book because I read that Vince Vaughn and Vincent D'Onofrio are in the movie version, which I'm still waiting on to be released.

New Willy Wonka Teaser Posters

[ Click Image to Enlarge ]
Though I do like Tim Burton, I have no interest in the new Willy Wonka movie (it just doesn't look good, to me). However, I must admit I do love the character teaser posters. Fun, fun, fun.

Just Say 'Yes' to Mashed Potatoes

Forget crack. My current addictions are: Coke with lime, Smartfood's White Cheddar Popcorn and Betty Crocker Potato Buds. Hallelujah! Amen.

I Want My Re(tro)-TV!

While doing some spring cleaning recently, I ran across a handful of VHS that, of course, were not labeled (I lack the discipline to label my VHS). So, when I got some free time, I sat down and went through them all. Most of them can be recorded over, since they contain stuff that has since been released to DVD. However, more than one of them contained marathons of some of my favorite shows, namely The Facts of Life. I just loved that show. Especially the early 80's episodes when the girls were still at school. Those are my favorites:

• Tootie's rehearsal of Some Enchanted Evening, for the school musical, being ruined by a jealous Natalie and her roaming coconuts.
• Natalie gets a 'bad' reputation.
• Visits from Blair's cousin Jerri.
• Tootie becomes a high-fashion model.
• Natalie's 'exam hat' working at "half wattage" during an all-night cram session, studying for finals.

Sigh...good times. With that said, my only question is why the hell isn't this show on DVD yet? Meanwhile horseshit like Punk'd and Boy Meets Boy is on DVD? WTF is that about? Frustrating.

Walking down memory lane with The Facts of Life (1979), I got to thinking about all the great TV shows I loved, and miss. There was Alice (1976). LOVE Linda Lavin! Little House on the Prairie (1974) (Ironically I had a crush on "Willy" as he got older and better-looking, as well as Laura's adopted brother, on the show, Albert. ROWR! So cute!). Naturally, I loved Nelly (Nancy, her adopted doppelganger of a sister, was introduced later) and her snotty mother, Harriet. Total bitches. The episodes where they are featured are among my favorites. You can keep the "good feelings" and Jesuslicious episodes.

Naturally, I could never forget the #1 most influential show I grew up with: The Incredible Hulk (1978). DAMN! I was/am SO into that TV series. Apparently I must be the only one who found his transformations (re: ripping out of his clothing...sweet, sweet music to my ears) a turn-on. God, that was HOT. I lived for the transformation scenes. Those bouncing pecs mesmerized me. And therein lies my infatuation with Lou Ferrigno to this day. As well as finding the whole "Hulking out" process titillating, I also loved the kitschy episodes that involved discos, disco balls, rock music, hallucinogenic drugs, lasers and the like. God, they just don't make 'em like that anymore.

Then there was one of my all-time favorite 80's time capsule, the short-lived Square Pegs (1982). If I could have married that show, I would have. I never missed an episode. I loved everything about it: the characters, the storylines, the music, the guest stars. It was awesome. What other show was cool enough to have The Waitresses play at their school dance, DEVO play at snotty Muffy's bah mitzvah, Father Guido Sarducci perform an exorcism (during the episode where Marshall gets Pac-Man Fever) and Bill Murray plays a substitute teacher? Fuckin' AWESOME! The Halloween episode remains one of my favorite episodes.

Among some other memorable favorites that had short shelf-lives, yet left a lasting impression on me, were: Madame (1982), the sarcastic, puppet, operated by Wayland Flowers, had her own TV show (as well as having a regular stint on Solid Gold) and it was hilariously edgy and surreal. Definitely WAY ahead of its' time. My fondest memory of the show was seeing Tony Longo for the first time. You may remember him best as Jake's best friend, in the movie Sixteen Candles. At the time he was really buff. Bodybuilder-buff. Unfortunately he's since been reduced to playing the heavy (no pun intended) in various movies. But, to a pre-teen me in 1982, I thought he was perfection.

I also have fond memories of Double Trouble (1984), another 80's time capsule. It was like Flashdance meets The Parent Trap, for teens. The show revolved around real-life twins whom were polar opposites (natch). They were Katey Sagal's younger sisters, whom you may remember played Peg Bundy on the TV series Married With Children.

Then there was my first exposure to a gay character on television, Brothers (1984). I remember it aired late late at night, and I would stay up religiously to watch it. The premise of the show was about 3 brothers: Joe, who was an ex-place kicker for the Philadelphia Eagles, who opens up his own bar after retiring. Lou, his gruff older brother and Cliff who just came out of the closet. Being the early 80's, a lot of the plots revolved around both the straight brothers trying to "cure" Cliff, but ultimately learning to accept him for who he is (insert canned muzak here). On some level I found the show somehow dangerous because of the adult humor, double entendres and innuendos. Not to mention it was like a blueprint for what I thought homosexuality was all about, plus it was just a lot of fun.

Mama Malone (1984) was another show I enjoyed, that had an extremely short shelf life. It was about an Italian woman who had to balance her own cooking show while dealing with her wacky dysfunctional family. Being a sucker for the stereotypical New York Italian hunk, the show offered plenty of eyecandy. Another show I loved was the Polly Holliday spin-off from Alice, Flo (1980). It wasn't great eyecandy, but again, I distinctly remember an episode where one of the characters flexes his biceps. I was sold.

The Hardy Boys (1977) was another favorite, that I am happy to report is being released to DVD soon. I never really was much of a fan of Shaun Cassidy (he always looked kinda weird to me), but I thought Parker Stevenson was dreamy. Ironic how Shaun went on to write/direct one of my other favorite TV shows: American Gothic. God, that was a great show. Gooood television. Wish that would be released to DVD.

And last, but certainly not least, one of my most intense addictions: Twin Peaks (1990). Wow. That show really sparked my love of David Lynch. It had me riveted from the onset. I immediately connected with the characters and found the whole thing, from the dark, surreal visual style to the music to be jaw-droppingly beautiful. I still have all my memorabilia: Trading card set, assorted books, CDs, even a Fire Walk With Me coffee mug. It remains one of my all-time favorite television shows.

Honorable Mentions: Though these shows technically aren't old enough to be considered "classics" yet, they hold a special place in my heart.

- Zoe, Duncan, Jack and Jane (1999) This short-lived WB series only lasted one season, but I remember it fondly. I was pleasantly surprised to see a grown up (and cute!) David Moscow, on the show. You may remember David as the young counterpart of Tom Hank's character in the movie Big. I had a crush on the entire cast: David, Azura Skye, Michael Rosenbaum and Selma Blair.

- Good Girls Don't (2004) I absolutely could kick the Oxygen network's ass over the loss of this one. I was SO excited about this show. Though, I am hopeful. According to TVTome.com, the show is being considered for a second season. If they're smart they will renew it. I just loved it. The entire cast was great, the episode plots were new and fresh and the music rocked. I never missed an episode (thank God I recorded them all).

Chicken Chuckles

News Enchilada

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To be perfectly honest, I simply don't have the patience to write about each and every thing that takes place on the news and in the world. That's why I've created the News Enchilada, where you can get all the cheesy flavor you've come to expect, all wrapped up in one easy-to-view package. Mmmmm, embrace the flava!

Right On Maude!

I recently had to go exchange my old cable box for the newer version, in order to take advantage of their new OnDemand feature. With OnDemand you can watch movies and your favorite shows whenever YOU want to watch them. Think of it as Pay-Per-View without the hassle of additional cost or time schedule.

So, with this new feature, there is a category called Tube Time and it offers classic TV shows. Well, one of them happens to be one of my all-time favorites: Maude! For those who may not be familiar with the show (though I know most of my readers are), Maude was a spinoff of All In the Family, starring Bea Arthur. Think of it as the polar opposite of All In the Family, where Archie was the bigot with a heart of gold, Maude is the well-meaning liberal with a heart of gold. Some of you may know of Maude because of the "controversial" abortion episode, where Maude finds out that at the age of 47, she's pregnant. And, as she puts it "At the age of 62 I'll be the mother of an Eagle Scout!" After much deliberation, she opts to have an abortion.

I've already exhausted all 19 episodes of the entire first season, and I'm watching them again. Bea Arthur is the queen of the deadpan look. I just love her. Dave over at Blogography has Betty White, but Bea Arthur is my favorite Golden Girl. I was interested to see just how long the show actually ran, so I checked IMDB. I was a little surprised to see that it ran a whopping 7 seasons! That gives me a lot to look forward to, providing future seasons get released to OnDemand or hopefully on DVD.

I've read some reviews that feel the show is dated. I have to disagree. On the contrary, I was surprised just how current, now more than ever, some of the episodes were. Many of the issues/topics dealt with on the show are still more than relative today, what with the Bush administration in office and their Christian agenda of moralizing America. Conrad Bain's ultra conservative, pro-big business character is just as current today as it was 30 years ago. Personally, I love the fact that the show would be considered politically incorrect by today's standards, but then what isn't these days? I also love that in every episode everyone is drinking. And when I say every episode, I mean every episode.

And of course, you gotta love the theme song:

Lady Godiva was a freedom rider
She didn't care if the whole world looked.
Joan of Arc with the Lord to guide her
She was a sister who really cooked.

Isadora was the first bra burner
Ain't you glad she showed up. (Oh yeah)
And when the country was falling apart
Betsy Ross got it all sewed up.

And then there's Maude.
(Chorus) And then there's Maude.
And then there's Maude.
(Chorus) And then there's Maude.
And then there's Maude.
(Chorus) And then there's Maude.
And then there's...

Bad on compromisin', enterprisin', anything but tranquilizing,
Right on Maude!

One of my favorite scenes takes place in the episode where Maude's daughter Carol (Adrienne Barbeau) receives flowers from an admirer. Maude answers the door and tells the delivery man:
Maude- "Here, and thanks for your trouble." (::hands the man a 50¢ tip::)
Delivery man- "50¢? Some thanks."
Maude- "You don't like it? Here, let me see it." (::pretends to scrutinize the money, while rifling through her pocket::)
Maude- "I like it."
Maude- "I'll tell you what, since you don't like it and I do, why don't I just keep it." (::slams door in shocked delivery man's face::)

ROTFLMAO! I thought I was gonna die. It was hilarious. They just don't make TV like that anymore. If you have cable and your cable company offers OnDemand, I encourage you to tune in and enjoy some hilarious, edgy, classic television.

Manna, Thy Name is Grilled Chicken Romano Panini

I dedicate today's blog entry to fellow chicken panini-lover, Chana over at Bunny Burrow. I recently had one of these heavenly Grilled Chicken Romano paninis (read sandwich) at a nearby Schlotzsky's. Short of re-enacting the infamous orgasm scene from When Harry Met Sally, it was a-ma-zing. The sandwich ingredients consist of: Grilled chicken breast and gruyere cheese with sweet red peppers and fresh baby spinach, served on a toasted artisan bread. Heavenly.

And speaking of Heaven, I won't be getting in anytime soon. Having left my camera at home (idiot!) I chose to risk the eternity of my very soul, to steal this picture from the table topper at my table and scan it, just for you, my loyal reader.

I urge each and every one of you to do your delicious duty and go get one today!

Spring Cleaning: Ground Zero

I've recently been doing some "spring cleaning," I guess you could call it. Long-overdue organizing is more like it, though. Anyway, I am running across all kinds of "treasures," some of which I'll be showing you at a later date (my favorite baby picture, books, photos, souvenirs, etc.). Amongst these items also includes a bunch of CD singles (and these are just the tip of the iceburg, so far), so I thought I'd load them all into the ol' iTunes before I put them in a box and put them out in the garage (AKA The Bottomless Pit). My point is, I thought you might be interested in seeing what they are. Since I am a huge remix fanatic, 95% of them are remixes, a lot of them rare and/or hard-to-find. If anyone is interested in any of them and have Stuffit Expander™, I'll be more than happy to DropStuff any of them for you and e-mail them to you: MP3 format, of course. Lots of good stuff. Just let me know. P.s. Leave any moral dilemmas you may have at the door.

Depeche Mode- Personal Jesus/Dangerous

Jamiroquai- Supersonic

The Mighty Dub Kats- Magic Carpet Ride

The Fifth Dimension- Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In

Toni Basil- Mickey

RuPaul- Supermodel/House of Love

The Cure- Lovesong

The Shamen- Make it Mine

Depeche Mode- Enjoy The Silence

Abigail- Losing My Religion/Constant Craving

His Boy Elroy- Chains

The Backstreet Boys- Everybody (Backstreet's Back)

The Timelords/The KLF- Doctorin' the Tardis

Ricky Martin- Livin' la Vida Loca

Janet Jackson- Rhythm Nation

Bauhaus- Bela Lugosi is Dead

Dean Martin & Julie London- Sway Remix

Church of Extacy- Oowee I Am Ready

Armand Van Helden- The Funk Phenomena

Fatboy Slim- Star 69 What The F**k

Yaz- Situation

Front 242- Interception

Messiah- Temple of Dreams

White Zombie- Thunder Kiss '65

Army of Lovers- Crucified/Ride the Bullet

Absolutely Fabulous- Absolutely Fabulous

They Might Be Giants- Istanbul (Not Constantinople)

The Soup Dragons- I'm Free

The Cure- Lullaby

*NSync- I Want You Back

PM Dawn- Set Adrift on Memory Bliss

The Cure- Pictures of You

Depeche Mode- Barrel of a Gun

Depeche Mode- Policy of Truth

Babylon Zoo- Space Man

Dionne Farris- I Know

Book of Love- Boy

The Bloodhound Gang- The Bad Touch

Bigod 20- The Bog

Frontline Assembly- Plasticity

Waterlilies- Tired of You

Mr. President- Coco Jamboo

New Order- Spooky

Electronic- Disappointed

Banco de Gaia- Obsidian

Depeche Mode- Master and Servant/(Set Me Free) Remotivate Me

Depeche Mode- It's Called a Heart/Fly On the Windscreen

Frontline Assembly- Millennium

New Order- Bizarre Love Triangle

Orgy- Blue Monday

Boxcar- Gas Stop (Who Do You Think You Are)

Erasure- Chorus/Snappy

Red Hot Chili Peppers- Give It Away

Erasure- in My Arms

Adamski- Space Jungle

Red Hot Chili Peppers- Taste the Pain

The Cure- Never Enough/Let's Go to Bed

Ruby- Tiny Meat

Whitney Houston- Heartbreak Hotel/It's Not Right But It's Okay

Jeremy Jordan- The Right Kind of Love

The B-52's- Roam

Daniel Bedingfield- Gotta Get Through This

No Doubt- Ex-Girlfriend

Fatboy Slim- Praise You

Le Click- Tonight is the Night

2 Bad Mice- Bombscare

Tinman- Eighteen Strings

Bizarre, Inc.- I'm Gonna Get You

Blur- Boys & Girls

Alice Deejay- Will I Ever

Cypress Hill- Insane in the Brain

Deee-Lite- Groove is in the Heart/What is Love?

Duran Duran- I Don't Want Your Love

Duran Duran- All She Wants Is

Survey Says...

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Kirkkitsch
Birthday:	September 28
Birthplace:	Fort Worth, Texas
Current Location:	Arlington, Texas
Eye Color:	Brown
Hair Color:	Brown
Height:	5'10"
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Right
The Shoes You Wore Today:	Shoes?
Your Weakness:	Books, movies, a pretty face, a sense of humor
Your Fears:
Your Perfect Pizza:	Sausage & black olives
Your Most Overused Phrase On an IM:	Lol
Thoughts First Waking Up:	"Ech, sunlight"
Your Best Physical Feature:	I have one?
Your Bedtime:	Whenever I lose consciousness
Your Most Missed Memory:
Pepsi or Coke:	Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:	McDonald's
Single or Group Dates:	Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Lipton
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Coffee
Do you Smoke:	No
Do you Swear:	Are you fuckin' kiddin' me?
Do you Sing:	Only when alone
Do you Shower Daily:	Define "daily"
Have you Been in Love:	Yes
Do you want to go to College:	Been there. Done that.
Do you want to get Married:	No, never
Do you belive in yourself:	No
Do you get Motion Sickness:	No
Do you think you are Attractive:	No
Are you a Health Freak:	No
Do you get along with your Parents:	Define "get along"
Do you like Thunderstorms:	Love them
Do you play an Instrument:	Only if you buy me dinner first. Lol! Jk. No.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	No
In the past month have you Smoked:	No
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	No
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	No
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	No
Have you ever eaten a box of Oreos:	No
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	No
In the past month have you been on Stage:	No, but I've heard all the world's a stage.
In the past month have you been Dumped:	Yes
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	No
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	No
Ever been Drunk:	Yes
Ever been called a Tease:	Lol! Shyeah, right
Ever been Beaten up:	No
Ever Shoplifted:	Yes
How do you want to Die:	By my own hand
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	I will never grow up
What country would you most like to Visit:	Italy
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	Green
Favourite Hair Color:	Black
Short or Long Hair:	Short
Height:	No preference
Weight:	Anyone who I won't snap like a twig when I hug them.
Best Clothing Style:	Whatever's clean & comfortable
Number of Drugs I have taken:	0
Number of CDs I own:	I have no idea
Number of Piercings:	2
Number of Tattoos:	0
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	6...that I can think of
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!